


green eyes but it's not a song lyric

by Fish (SeannaWatters)



Series: (hlvrai cymbal crash) [2]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Body Horror, Hurt/Comfort, I originally intended this to be for lighter topics but uh ...yeah, Nightmares, Not What I Anticipated, Sunkist is just in the last bit, They/Themrey, no beta we perish like fools, now I am just staring at these two chapters like hmm., please let me know if I'm using that horribly wrong, she/her Sunkist but technically any pronouns are cool, trauma episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeannaWatters/pseuds/Fish
Summary: A bunch of bits and scenes that don't really fit into the green eyes story but I wrote it anyway because I do not control the creative writing direction
Series: (hlvrai cymbal crash) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002909
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	1. Failed escape scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning this chapter's content contains:  
> Lots of fear  
> Sweet Voice being used as communication instead of words  
> Tasers (not used but there)  
> Being surrounded, stuck in dark smallish place (similar to solitary)  
> This hurt my physically but I couldn't let this sit all along in my notes. Suffer with me (or don't! Your mental health is more important and self care is very good and cool)  
> Also the escape scene is when Benrey was like, a few years younger or so. That's why they got referred to as "lil guy"

Benrey paced the small room, quiet slaps echoing around the cold walls and floor without the muffler of shoes or socks. No windows, no gap under the door. Dark. Very dark. They could still see the monochrome outlines of the room, of course, having eyes far more evolved for darkness or dim light, but it didn't mean they were any more relieved about it. They were stuck in a box. They abruptly stopped walking, frozen, when their ears picked up the sound of dress shoes slowly approaching. Their breath hitched. Panic re-emerged. They backed away from the door as quietly as they could, heart pounding as keys jingled and found its way into the heavy lock. Eyes wide as the door slowly opened, but forced to squint from the rush of bright light filtering in. A voice, familiar, hushed, anxious.

"B- Benrey, c'mon- you- you gotta hurry before we get noticed," Tommy? They tried to blink away the door-shaped spot in their eyes, straining to make out the tall figure. A few teal notes slip from their mouth, quickly being replaced with dark green and yellows. Tommy motions for them to come closer, which they hesitantly do. They're both at the door now, and Tommy is looking down the halls while holding what looks to be a tase—

Panic spikes again and they take a few steps back. Tommy turns back to them and immediately guilt overtakes his face. "N-no, no, it's okay! It's to protect us so I can get you out safely!" Tommy, helpfully, moves the baton-shaped taser away from Benrey. They let out a breath. More dark green and yellow.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

It was a little while of walking before the two came up on an intersection. Thankfully no one has come across them yet, but luck doesn't always last as long as one wants it to. Both Tommy and Benrey could hear the sounds of several boots coming from one of the hallways. Tommy lightly tugged on Benrey's arm to duck into a conveniently placed storage closet, but Benrey was frozen solid and unable to be budged.

A small group of thickly-vested, helmeted people rounded the corner. All three pairs of eyes landed directly onto the runaway. The group paused. No one dared move, if only just for a painfully long second. That was until the security guards moved first. One of them grabbed the talking black rectangle on his shoulder, speaking quietly into it. Another had his hand over his thigh holster. The third was holding their hands out in a universal sign of "I don't mean any harm", or at least that's what Benrey hopes it is. Their legs and hands are shaking lightly in place as the third one slowly steps closer by a few inches.

"How'd you get out?" The third security spoke softly, but got no verbal response. Every cell in Benrey's body is screaming to run the opposite direction, but their eyes glance to the guy still hovering above the danger weapon. They glance back to the speaker with wide, slit-pupiled eyes and spit out a short string of bright green to black. None of them seemed to understand.

"You need to go back to your holding... room, please. It's not safe for you out here." The third one continues to speak, but the words grant no relief at all. They don't understand what it's like in there. None of them do.

Several more pairs of boots clunk from the halls, including the one behind Benrey. They tense up and look behind their shoulder.

Ohh, **shit.**

Nearly an entire wall of vested people block of Benrey's path, all wielding the batons and some of them holding something they've not seen before. Whatever it was, though, it looked extremely unfriendly. All metallic and had two grabber looking circle things on the ends of the short chain.

"Put your hands behind your head, subject eight thirty-four dash two thirty-seven! Don't make any sudden moves!" Benrey looked around for their friend, but Tommy was nowhere to be found. A swelling tide of fear, betrayal, and anxiety crashed directly on top of them as they turned their gaze back to the shouting person. Red to dark green escaped their lips, putting their open hands up near the sides of their head. This, unfortunately, did not please the yeller like they hoped.

"Hands behind your head, now!" They moved their hands where they were ordered, hearing four boots walk up behind them. More bright green to black notes. They felt their wrists being grabbed and moved down to their back, then secured around cold metal. The guard that spoke softly to them earlier mumbled next to them, the voice filled with a sort of guilt and sadness.

"I'm sorry lil guy, it's just protocol. You had a decent attempt, though, actually headed the right way too." Benrey was soon surrounded by the vested people, and led back to their box.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Benrey curled up into the borrowed blanket in the corner of Tommy's living room, the stormy weather being the only noise that pulled them back to the present. Several bright red and black orbs surrounded them, being the only light source aside from the occasional flash outside the window. Their humming production quickly tapered off as they pushed against the corner walls for something to ground them. They shoved their head into their blanket-covered knees, trying to slow their breathing. Why did this have to happen now? They thought they were over this. It's been almost two months since they left Black Mesa. Surely that's enough time to get over it? They didn't understand why it wouldn't leave them alone sometimes. Always showing up unprompted. Not very nice of their brain, if anyone asks them. No one does.

Something damp gently nudged Benrey's exposed head, pressing into their hair. Where did they leave their hat? They look up, immediately confronted with Sunkist's huge form. She sniffed their wet cheeks for a second, before laying her head ever so lightly on Benrey's knees. They freed their hands from the blanket to pet the sides of her face, a tiny smile forcing its way onto his. 

"Hey, Sunkist." They were suprisingly quiet, so much so that it suprised themself. Sunkist didn't mind. She just nuzzled closer. Benrey rested their forehead in Sunkist's fur, lazily petting away at whatever was in their reach as they let their heart rate calm down. They could hear her tail thumping occasionally on the carpet.

The two stayed like that for a while, and in the morning Tommy discovered Benrey half cuddling his dog on the floor near the corner, eyes closed. Tommy smiled with a sort of mixed-in worry, eventually nudging the two so they could begin their day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teal means suprise! (Canon one)  
> dark green to yellow: relief  
> ⬤ bright green to black: fearful “I am not a threat” / please don’t hurt me  
> ⬤ red to dark green: fearfully submissive  
> ⬤ red to black: panic / intense fear


	2. Perfect Dog's Cuddles™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benrey shifts more into their original form while having a nightmare at Tommy's (they do that sometimes). Y'know how dogs run in their sleep sometimes? Yeah. Sunkist is there for them, though! She is the perfect dog after all.

Another dream of running around the endless maze of Black Mesa, cruddy, loose, subject-assigned clothing flowing as they passed ventilation systems, running away from the Big Bad. They haven't seen it yet or know what it is, specifically, but they _know_ it's chasing them and it knows they aren't human and their two-armed, two-legged disguise is incredibly shitty. They climb into an open vent, slowly becoming less and less human, settling into the masses of eyes and teeth and claws and limbs— 

It's still chasing after them. They hit corners, several joints banging harshly onto the side walls as they just barely get grabbed. It was a close call every time, and their several hearts raced in tandem to run, run away as fast as possible.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Sunkist's head lifted off of her friend's sleeping lap, sniffing and staring directly at the door that leads out of Tommy's room and to one of her other friends. She gracefully hopped off of the bed, paws clicking quietly on the hard hallway floor. She could hear whimpering from the living room, immediately setting off to that direction. Sunkist spotted her other friend on the pull-out bed couch, writhing around and significantly less human shaped than yesterday. Four arms, harsher unnatural shadows, digitigrade legs, and kicking around weakly like they're running. She could smell the fear radiating off of them, as well as see a few glowing notes of red and black slipping past their parted lips. Sunkist quickly hopped up onto an open part of the bed and laid next to Benrey. She nudged them a few times with her nose, making whiny noises of insistence.

Several pairs of eyes opened wide, but as soon as they saw Sunkist they relaxed a bit. Four hands reach over to pet her fur, and she gives them her signature golden retriever smile. She knows they can't help but smile back every time. A few of the eyes close and retreat back into the skin.

"Hey," They greeted softly, lower two hands still petting the dog while the upper two gently rubbed at the inner corners of each eye. Sunkist's tail wagged. 

"I guess I wasn't being quiet, huh?" Their expression fell a bit, and blew out a short string of dull white and silver, to which she responded with yellow to white.

"You, uh..." they drifted off, swallowing quietly as they try to figure out what they want to say. Too many thoughts colliding around without any sense. They eventually settled with a sigh of magenta to teal. Sunkist wasted no time pressing herself against them, essentially cuddling as best she could. They hesitated, but wrapped two arms around her in a half hug. They kind of felt bad guilty about it, though. Sunkist is Tommy's dog, and would probably still be sleeping in his room if it wasn't for them being so afraid of a little spooky dream. It wasn't that real, anyway. It... It isn't real. Not allowed to be.

Benrey buried their face in her fur in hopes of calming down from the pressure building in their head and wetting the corners of their eyes. They remind themself to unclench their jaw, soon pushing down the uncomfortable emotion until it's just the silence, softness, and the light, whistley breathing from Sunkist's nose.

"Sorry." They probably said that already, but it felt like it needed to be let out. Sunkist just sings out some yellow to azure, which relieves at least some of the tightness in their chest. They let themself lay like this for a while more, until they gently dismissed her back to Tommy's room. Besides, it won't do much good if they always have to rely on someone else to calm them down, they think. It's not like everything is guaranteed to be permanent.

Benrey doesn't fall asleep again that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Voice translations:  
> ⬤ red to black: panic / intense fear  
> Dull white and silver like a quarry means I'm sorry  
> Yellow to white means it'll be alright  
> ⬤ magenta to teal: longing, emotional want  
> The ⬤'d ones are from the sweetvoice guide, the other two are ones I made up (though I wouldn't doubt several people have thought of the yellow to white one)  
> Yellow to Azure - you are safe and secure


End file.
